The Konoha Times
by jeano
Summary: A tabloid reporting gossip in Konoha. 'Of Fads and Fashion' up!
1. Of Dirty Minded People

**The Konoha Times**

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Think up a good disclaimer. Pretend I put it here.

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**Of Dirty-Minded People **

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Jiraya's Homecoming

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Today, it has been reported that Jiraya-sama was spotted in town--the first time in years! And of course, he headed straight for his favourite haunt, the hot springs.

Apparently, Jiraya-sama was seen peeking through a crack in the wooden fence surrounding the hot spring designated for females. An unnamed eyewitness who was training nearby claims that Jiraya-sama told him that he was only sourcing for inspiration for his book, which our source refuses to name.

One of the females present in the hot spring blushed when asked about the peeping incident. "Jiraya-sama peeping? Oh, I really don't know what to say..."

Jiraya-sama's lodging is currently unknown, but rumour has it that several small toads have been spotted near the Eastern fringe of the village.

When interviewed, Jiraya-sama refused to comment on the hot springs incident, but instead gushed about how good it felt to be back. He also hinted that he might have a new student, whose identity still remains secret.

Meanwhile, a fair has been organised by the _Jiraya-sama Fan Club _to welcome Jiraya-sama's homecoming, and it is expected that Jiraya-sama will grace the event. The fair will take place near the hot springs where Jiraya-sama was first spotted, and everyone has been invited to come in their bathing suits for a splashing good time tomorrow evening. 

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Copy-Ninja Nabbed!

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Jounin Hatake Kakashi, famous for his copy techniques, has been nabbed in a bar and sent straight to the 3rd Hokage's office after a complaint against him was lodged by a 19 year old girl, who cannot be named. 

He was allegedly drunk when he fished out his copy of _Icha Icha Paradise _and started reading an excerpt from the R-rated book to the victim and her friends.

According to an eyewitness, all but one of the girls were giggling as he read the passage out loud in his drunken stupor. However, the eyewitness claims that Hatake Kakashi was not misbehaving in an indecent manner, and reported that the girl was probably insulted by the content of the passage. 

Copy-Ninja Kakashi was eventually let off by the Hokage after being ticked off. 

It was later found that the girl was the subject of the passage that was read out loud, and she has filed charges for defamation against the anonymous and unknown author of _Icha Icha Paradise_. 

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Ebisu Stumped! 

An embarrassing rumour concerning elite tutor Ebisu spread like wildfire around the Konoha Ninja Academy yesterday. It seems that he has become the latest victim of Uzumaki Naruto's notorious prank--the Sexy no Jutsu. According to the rumour, Ebisu had a severe nosebleed when Naruto performed a lethal combination of the Sexy no Jutsu and Kage Bunshin no Jutsu: Harem no Jutsu. 

He has refused to comment on the rumour. 

It is not yet known if he still has full authority over the Sandaime Hokage's grandson, Sarutobi Konohamaru, for it seems that Konohamaru threatens his sensei with his own rendition of the Sexy no Jutsu. 

It is common knowledge that Ebisu prides himself in being "one of the few good men who won't ever fall prey to a woman's charms". Perhaps it takes more than one woman. 

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A/n: Just a silly fic that resulted from my boredom. Hope it was funny XD 


	2. Of Kisses

**The Konoha Times**

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**Of Kisses**

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Rivals lock lips? 

There was a great uproar in the Ninja Academy when Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke locked lips in an unfortunate turn of events. Said an agitated girl, "I can't believe that dork Naruto actually stole Sasuke-kun's first kiss! Even if it was accidental, he cannot be forgiven!" 

Neither boy responded to our reporter's questions when contacted. 

It is currently believed that the 'kiss' was accidental. According to an eyewitness's account, Naruto was staring down at Sasuke when he was given an accidental shove from the back. 

The result was the disastrous episode of lip locking before the entire graduating class of the Konoha Ninja Academy. 

Given the two boys' disgusted expressions after the brief 'kiss', neither party enjoyed it. However, malicious rumours have been passed about the two boys' sexuality, and there have been unconfirmed reports of them holding hands and snuggling in public. 

More suspicions have been raised after Naruto was seen holding Sasuke close to him when they were trapped in a Hidden Mist Missing-Nin's jutsu. 

Meanwhile, rabid yaoi fangirls have been seen parading down the main streets of Konoha waving flags reading: SASUNARU RULES!!! 

There have been no reports of violence as of press time, although there have been reports of tension between the yaoi fangirls and the non-yaoi fangirls. 

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Attempted theft 

Haruno Sakura was spotted flirting with Uchiha Sasuke moments after their teams were announced, and even tried to steal a kiss from him. 

According to an unidentified witness, Sakura was sitting on the stone bench behind the Konoha Ninja Academy, and was looking rather forlorn. Then she noticed Uchiha Sasuke leaning against a tree opposite her. Her face brightened noticeably, and Sasuke approached her, and sat next to her on the bench. A short conversation ensued, until Sakura said something that caused Sasuke to blush. 

Haruno Sakura then allegedly leaned towards Sasuke, and tried to steal a kiss from him. Unfortunately for her, Sasuke thwarted her plans and ran away. 

Several rumours concerning this nearly-stolen kiss from Sasuke were passed, and it seems that the other members of the _Uchiha Sasuke Fanclub _have been ignoring Haruno Sakura as punishment for breaking the rules of the fanclub. 

As requested by the fanclub, here is a reminder of the rules: 

_ 1. No girl shall make her move on Sasuke-kun until consent has been given by the other club members._

_ 2. Should Sasuke-kun make a move on any girl, war shall be declared on her, whether she was a club member or not._

_ 3. When making advances on Sasuke-kun, the concept of Teamwork shall be put into play. _

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A/n: I meant no offence to the yaoi fangirls out there, especially those who are ardent supporters of the SasuNaru pairing. I support all good fics, be they yaoi or non-yaoi.To me, it's the content that's important, not the pairing. ^^ 

By the way, this fic is just full of my foolish fantasies. ^^ So ignore me if you think I'm a little too insane. 

And of course, I'd like to thank my wonderful reviewers, K-chan, Annachan, firedraygon97 and Nalan Li for reviewing. It does give me an ego boost, as well as the inspiration and motivation to write the next chapter ^^ 


	3. Of Fads and Fashion

**The Konoha Times **

**Of Fads and Fashion **

Green spandex all the rage! 

It has been noted that villagers nowadays have been taking to the streets clad in green spandex, much to the glee of Maito Gai and Rock Lee. 

Apparently, many villagers have been patronising the store co-owned by the teacher-student duo, _Beautiful Blue Beast Fashion Enterprises_, after a spate of aggressive advertising and promotion. The store sells, besides its trademark green spandex, an impressive array of goods, ranging from lead weights to fake thick eyebrows, to teeth whiteners.

When queried, Jounin Gai replied, "I have been fully aware of Konoha's support of myself, as well as my beloved disciple, Rock Lee. To repay them for their kindness, as well as to give our fans to emulate our fashion style, we set up this store."

Nodding in agreement, Rock Lee said, eyes shining, "Of course, to ensure that everyone from all walks of life can look like us, we have priced our products reasonably."

The green spandex suits, hand sewn by Gai and his protege, cost between 1000 and 2000 yen, and for an extra 500 yen, one can get an autograph from either ninja. 

The teeth whiteners sold at _ Beautiful Blue Beast Fashion Enterprises_ can be obtained at 1500 yen, and are selling fast. 

'Holey fabrics' to overtake cloth? 

Many ninjas nowadays have been spotted wearing bandages in place of cloth, especially the female ninjas. Male ninjas have also been spotted wearing fishnets on missions. 

Upcoming female ninja, Yamanaka Ino says of this new trend, "I think it's great! I mean look at me, I'm totally cool, and all because of what? Approximately 80% of my clothes are actually bandages! I mean, I'm cool, right?" 

Her team mate, newly appointed chuunin, Nara Shikamaru, commented, "Well, I think wearing this type of material is practical. It's cooling since the fabric allows air to circulate around the skin easily. Sweat evaporates quickly, and hence fishnet fabric is especially useful in summer months."

Meanwhile, fashion designers all over Konoha have been rushing to find out the latest trends in the ninja community. It is well known all around Fire Country that the ninja community is a great source of inspiration for new lines of fashionable clothing. 

However, Jounin Yuuhi Kurenai was rather surprised to find that fashion in Fire Country relies on its ninjas to a fairly large extent. She said, "Well, I guess that's wonderful, since we ninjas wear comfortable and easy-to-wear clothes that can be put together quickly from a few scraps of cloth. It is a great honour for us." Fingering her own bandage-themed garments, Kurenai smiled proudly at her own fashion creation. 

Kurenai was later spotted adjusting her bandages, and pinning them down with safety-pins while on a mission--her bandages appeared to be slipping off her shoulder. 

A/n: Ah well, new articles up XD I apologise for the lameness. And yes, I'm greatly encouraged and surprised by the response. I do believe I'll be able to continue writing this fic ^^;; thanks to all you people! Thanks! 

ERRATA: In the first installment, I spelt Jiraiya wrongly. XP It's Jiraiya and not Jiraya XP I apologise for the mistake. Kudos to Fraulein Uchiha who pointed it out ^^;;


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